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So, for a few hours my mind gets clouded with all of the "what ifs" but it doesn't last for long. As I wash my hands in the bathroom sink, the one free of weird whiskers, I sort of let the weird fears drift away. As I look over to the dining room table, the one where J. drops EVERYTHING HE OWNS, I say goodbye to anxiety and smile at my debris-free table, Where Can I Buy Soma.

There are trade-offs in life. Some are bigger than others. Some are small, but nice. The Dogger and I will be glad when J. gets home on Sunday night but for now, we're hanging out in our bleach-smellin' house, watching reality TV with unshaven legs.

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"You know what they say about ducks with short bills...!!!"
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So listen, I'm going to give you a tip. I feel as though this whole "technology" thing is getting carried away and it's going to crash around us. It's all just a flash in the pan. It won't last. So when your Tivos and DVRs and iPads all implode, I'll let you come over and watch some shit that I've taped on my VCR. In the meantime, stop telling me about your bloody Maxi pad that plays music and takes pictures, okay.

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