Tags: TV rots yer brain
Today I was reminded why Montel Williams has screwed up my life.
You see, this afternoon my doctor called me with results of a test and informed me that I needed to schedule this test again in four weeks. However, this test needs a prescription written for it, which must be approved by my insurance. So my doctor told me to allow at least three-four days for the script to be written FROM the day I call for it. [I hope that isn't as confusing as it sounds to me] And so, I came into my office and whipped out my trusty calendar.
Clearly, counting four weeks from now is simple. So I did that. And then, I began counting backwards on the calendar to three-four days but decided to give them an extra two-three days on top of that to get approval from my insurance. So technically, I was counting four weeks from today, and then counting back from that time about five-six days.
And so it began, the dialogue in my mind:
"Four weeks from today. Got it. Ok, now backwards a few days - one, two, four, five ....wait. Did I miss three? Ok, let me start over. One, two, four, five....did I miss the fucking three again? Let me do that again - One, two, three, four, five - ok, I said the three outloud so I know I got it this time!"
I know you're wondering what I'm talking about and how it relates to Montel Williams. What I'm about to tell you is 100% true. Many years ago, I was watching an episode of Montel Williams. He had a hypnotist on the show. The stage was filled with people from the audience that volunteered. The hypnotist went down the line of people and well, hypnotized them. Then, he would make each one do silly things. He told one guy, "You hate the socks you're wearing. They are itchy and you MUST get them off your feet but you can't remove them!" Which led to that guy scratching feverishly and trying to remove his socks and guess what? He couldn't get them off! It was great! Then he woke the guy up and they played back the tape so the guy could see himself.
He told a girl that she was extremely thirsty and every time she took a sip of water, it would taste like pure lemon juice. They gave her some water. The audience roared with laughter at the girl while she puckered her lips and tried to swallow it down. He told another girl that even though she just met the guy next to her, that she would find him so attractive, she couldn't keep her hands off of him. The hypnotist told the object of her obsession that the girl touching him smelled really, realllly awful. It was funny, funny stuff. Then he woke everyone up and the tape was played back so they could see themselves acting crazy.
And then it happened.
The hypnotist told a guy that the number three no longer existed. He would then ask the guy to count to ten. "One, two, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten," the dude said. The audience laughed. The dude looked perplexed. The hypnotist asked the guy, "What comes after two?" "Four," the guy answered. The hypnotist asked, "What comes before four?" "Two," said the guy who no longer believed three was a number.
The show ended. Life went on. Or at least I assume so. You see, I stopped watching the show at that point - before the hypnotist woke up the guy who didn't think the number three existed.
At the time, I was working a job where I handled great quantities of money that required counting. On a normal day, just like millions of days before it, I went to count the pile of money in front of me, starting with the dollar bills. "One, two, four... - wait. Did I just skip three????" So, I started again. This went on for a while.
Draw your own conclusions.
All of these years later, I still forget the three. I now have my own trick - when I go back to recount something [by something, I mean everything], I do something to emphasize the three. I might say it louder, I might tap a finger, I might punch the person standing next to me in the throat. Whatever it takes. But yes, I think I was hypnotized to forget the number three.
So, the bad news is that people think I never graduated preschool. The good news is I can remove my socks, I have no trouble drinking water, I don't put my hands all over random guys and I'm pretty sure I smell good. I consider myself lucky.
October 1st, 2008 at 9:56 pm
F**king Montel. When he has Sylvia on, I have nightmares for days.
You’ll find your three again Bunny. Just keep trying…
October 2nd, 2008 at 8:36 am
omg, you just made me laugh so hard I started choking, not laughing at you but because I thought I was the only one who forgott a number. Although mine seems to be 5 not three, I might try punching someone in the throat to remember it LOL thanks for the laugh
November 20th, 2009 at 7:30 am
[...] Where Are You Going, My Beautiful Friend? [...]
June 9th, 2010 at 5:16 am
[...] who we’re talking about here: the chick who, while watching the Montel Williams Show, was hypnotized to skip the number three… so you know, all logic is [...]