Real Life Snippet #11

Filed in family , real life snippet 8 comments


The phone is ringing and SHERRI checks the Caller ID to see it is her MOTHER phoning. After a brief pause in which SHERRI contemplates ignoring the call, she goes against her better judgment and answers the phone. Pleasantries are exchanged between SHERRI and her MOTHER and then the true nature of the call is revealed.

MOTHER: Do you know what Farmville is?

SHERRI: Yes. It’s a game on Facebook.

MOTHER: Have you ever played it?


MOTHER: I want to play it but I don’t know how.

SHERRI: Well, I can’t help you because I’ve never played it.

MOTHER: It’s something about a farm. And sheep.

SHERRI: Well, that makes sense. It’s called Farmville. And most farms have sheep.

MOTHER: Well, I just clicked something. I think I have a farm now.


MOTHER: And now people want to be my neighbor on my farm.


MOTHER: What do I do next?

SHERRI: How would I know? You’re the one looking at the screen.

MOTHER: Well, these people are asking me to add them as friends.

SHERRI: What are you even talking about? Friends on Facebook or neighbors on Farmville?

MOTHER: Well, after I started this Farmville thing, four people just asked me to be their friends. I don’t know them so maybe they just want to live on my farm?

SHERRI: Huh? Jesus. Don’t add them if you don’t know them.

MOTHER: But do they help me with my farm?


MOTHER: This one girl looks like a hooker. Her name is Jodie.

SHERRI: Then send her a message asking how she knows you.

MOTHER: But what if she’s a virus?

SHERRI: Oh my god Mom, just ignore the requests then.

MOTHER: Can I email these people? Can I email this hooker?

SHERRI: You can send them a Facebook message.

MOTHER: About my farm?

SHERRI: Mom, you can message them about anything you want.

MOTHER: Maybe I will message this Jodie hooker and ask her about my farm.

SHERRI: (sigh) Okay.

MOTHER: I think these friends are supposed to give me things for my farm.

SHERRI: (sigh) Okay.

MOTHER: So, should I add the hooker?

SHERRI: Sure. Add the hooker. Let her help you with your farm. Every farm should have a hooker.

MOTHER: Well, I don’t want her to be a hooker on my farm. She just looks like a hooker in her picture. Maybe she can give me something to help my farm.

SHERRI: (sigh) Okay.

MOTHER: Are you even listening to what I’m saying?

SHERRI: Unfortunately.

MOTHER: So, I should add the hooker even if she’s a virus?

SHERRI: Yes. Add the hooker. If she’s a virus your farm will die and then this conversation never has to ever happen again.

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Posted by Sherri   @   15 December 2009 8 comments
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Dec 15, 2009
3:54 pm

“But what if she’s a virus?”


Awesome. And I know this these conversations are annoying, but be grateful for her lack of internet skills and that her internet gaming of choice is farmville. A little over 2 years ago my mother discovered the internet. At that point I was having very similar conversations with her, trying to explain facebook and whatnot. Then about a year ago she got good at the internet and discovered second life. Now she doesn’t talk about anything but second life. Every time she calls me she talks about her videos that she made, her stripper jobs, and her avatars new outfits. The other day she called and told me how she finally purchased a vagina.

Which would be funny but I blame this freaking game for my parents getting a divorce after being married over 30 years.

Dec 15, 2009
8:00 pm
#2 kcgirlgeek :


Seriously…this made me laugh so HARD that I cried! My stomach STILL hurts!

Dec 17, 2009
3:55 am
#3 Evelyn :

Bwah hah hah! While I can imagine how aggravating actually BEING part of this conversation might have been, it’s hilarious to read :)

Dec 17, 2009
8:52 am
#4 Candice :

Your mom ROCKS. And also, I hate FarmVille.

Dec 17, 2009
9:49 am
#5 Amanda :

1. WTF is up with your current blog layout?
2. My mother legit just started playing Farmville on Facebook and we’ve had lengthy conversations about her strawberries and how they’re only 83% grown. THANKS FOR CALLING ME AT WORK TO TELL ME ABOUT YOUR VIRTUAL, FAKE STRAWBERRIES, MOM.

Author Dec 17, 2009
10:48 am
#6 Sherri :

KCGirlGeek: Glad I could make you laugh; sorry for the pain.

Evelyn: I’m thankful she provides me with blog-fodder!

Candice: Farmville makes me want to slit my wrists, for reals.

Amanda: 1. Um. It’s a blog. With a layout.
2. Maybe your Mom and my Mom could become friends and Farmville neighbors and grow strawberries together?

Dec 17, 2009
11:11 am
#7 Amanda :

Let’s be honest. My mom is probably the hooker.

Author Dec 17, 2009
11:19 am
#8 Sherri :

Carissa: I was about to ask, “What the fuck is Second Life” but then I pretty much used my massive intelligence to put 2-and-2 together and understand it must be a game. One where you get to buy vaginas. So, that last part totally confuses me but now I know if I Google “Second Life vaginas” I will probably end up at some fucking old lady porn site.

Amanda: I was going to suggest she was but I don’t know you at all and didn’t want you to virtual face-punch me.

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