People

From time-to-time, I will mention someone with an unusual name on this blog. I assign nicknames to these people not to protect their identity, but rather to prevent me from getting my ass kicked by them. To prevent confusion and so I don't have to repeatedly give detailed accounts as to whom these people are, this list is born. As I alienate more of my friends and family by writing about them, the list will grow longer: Close family and friends:
  • J: my better half
  • The dogger: my other better half
  • Mom: my electronically-challenged, fad-following mother
  • Dad: my awesome, handy father
  • Aunt T: elderly Aunt who talks endlessly about people we don't know, fakes being crippled to board planes early
  • EEE: elderly Aunt who just moved to the area who just spent over $100 on a Paris Hilton wig.
  • S&M: hysterically sarcastic sister-in-law  & sweetie-pie brother-in-law who push their blind, deaf, diabetic dog around in a stroller RIP Buddy!
  • Sis-in-law TC: sister-in-law with "motherly" qualities to the extreme
  • Nephew JC: sis-in-law TC's son - soon-to-be 13 yrs old - who is cynical and serious
  • Niece KC: sis-in-law TC's daughter - age 7 8 going on 17 - dramatic, shy, has 13 different "model" smiles, obsessed with Hannah Montana
  • A&M: friends that recently moved back to NJ who are well-meaning but very wrapped up in spoiling their 2 year old daughter.
  • K&K: dimwitted sister-in-law, larger than life brother-in-law who spend dough fast and expect pity for their financial troubles.
  • T&MD: friends with lots of super-hyper kids. T is overbearing and annoying while M always looks as if she wishes she could run away.
My growing list of doctors:
  • Dr. E: sweet, kind, amazingly wonderful main doctor treating me for Crohn's Disease
  • Dr. B: older, funny secondary doctor treating me for Crohn's-related issues
  • Dr. CE: new Rheumatologist with seemingly multiple personalities.
My filthy, disgusting neighbors, The Messies:
  • Mowgli: 10-year old neighbor. She is hairy. And has a unibrow.
  • Sassy Sally: older brother [approx. 13 years old] to Mowgli. He dances out on the sidewalk daily, wears his Mom's red slippers and sometimes lipstick.
  • Beastie Bev: Mowgli & Sassy Sally's Mom. My next-door neighbor who is filthy and disgusting. Never wears shoes, always has cigarette hanging from mouth, always looks preggers but isn't.
  • Dicky D: Beastie Bev's husband. A filthy, miserable prick.
  • Druggy Drug: 18-year old son from Beastie's 1st marriage. Always in trouble.
  • Duh-duh da duh: Random, weird, talks-to-himself dude who lives with Beastie Bev, Dicky D and kids. Hangs out at garbage can and talks on cellphone all day long. Mysteriously disappeared during the Summer of 2009 & hasn't been back since.
My other filthy, disgusting next-door neighbors, The Cat People:
  • DeGrosser: Matriarch, possibly in early 60s however lots of boozing makes her look much older.
  • Fester: Matriarch's son, possibly in mid-40s. Rarely seen outside of house, but always seen peeking out between blinds in attic window.
  • Creepy Creep: DeGrosser's "friend" who randomly shows up mid-week and stays a few days. Drives crazy station wagon filled with mysterious sheet-covered items.